One of my absolute favourite movies is “Hitch” starring Will Smith. In this movie he is a dating consultant that teaches awkward men how to get the women of their dreams. There is a very important line in this film that I took to heart for my own dating life, but it surprised me when I applied the thought to other facets of my life:
“Basic principle: no matter what, no matter who, no matter when, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet … just needs the right broom.”
In the summer of 2007, I learned the truth to this statement when I was attending an amazing conference called ideaCity. At this event were tons of important people such as award-winning scientists, millionaires and much more. One amazing person I met was an extremely beautiful model with whom had recently been given a national award.
At this conference there were three after parties, at one of them we got to talking. One thing I noticed while we were talking is that about forty people stopped to compliment this woman on her beauty in only a few minutes. It was very obvious that compliments felt very insincere to hear from hordes of people, worse was the countless men whom tried to pick her up. So I decided to ask, “if you weren’t doing what you’re doing now, what would you be doing?”
To be honest, I had a stereotype about women in her profession that I wanted to shake. Her answer was amazing, she was leveraging her mild star power to help charities (which was her original goal). After a bit more, what surprised my friend, she asked me for my phone number, because out of everyone in that room I guess was the only one being sincere. We kept in touch and dated for a short time.
What surprised me the most was where she came from. She showed me how short the distance is between success and humble beginnings.
Now I’m not just bragging about my dating life, so let me tell you the lesson I learned from the experience. I learned that you must look past what people are to see who people are. This whole thing started because I asked a very penetrating question about who she really was when I first met her.
This way of thinking has served me well. When I am at networking events I try to understand people and see them for more than a fancy title or their monetary successes. It enables me to set myself apart because I do not ask common questions receiving less common answers. More importantly, it opens me up to create relationships with people on their values.
To be cliché, don’t judge a book by its cover. Be open to new friendships by creating the opportunity, approach people different but sincerely. Then watch how they communicate with you that is different from everyone else.
“Basic principle: no matter what, no matter who, no matter when, any person has a chance to connect with anyone … just need the right attitude.”
Great post Darcy – yet another example of the “Don’t Judge A Book By It’s Cover” saying and it’s application in the real world.
To quote your words “you must look past what people are to see who people are.” I agree. Especially after a title/people’s introductions seem to say a lot more about them, you need to form your own opinion about a person, rather than buying into the mind meld around you.
Cheers!
Thanks for the comment. I’ve met big named people whom I would never like to speak to again and many whom I would. It comes down to what’s within.
The other thing that’s important is figuring out how to relate to people if you were networking for instance. You could find out that a CEO is a big Battlestar Gallactica fan and it starts are great connection. Unless you dig deeper while putting yourself out there people, you won’t connect.
Great credentials will help, but only for people who want to leverage your stature for themselves. Connecting on a personal level will make them want to uplift you in the process.